Tip of the Day: Improve neighbor relations via mediation

When I first moved to New York City, my upstairs neighbor used to play R&B all night, every night. It could have been worse (heavy metal, Lawrence Welk), but I suffered through many restless nights. Fortunately, I eventually moved. But the memory sticks, and it came back in Dolby sound during my reporting of "Neighbor Wars," from the September 2008 issue of Consumer Reports.

Two themes emerged as I spoke with experts and homeowners around the country. First, there are a lot of neighbor disputes out there. Second, no matter how trivial the conflict, it causes serious stress for everyone involved. “When you own your home, you have a commitment to the people around you,” Emily Doskow, a Berkeley, California-based attorney and co-author of Neighbor Law (Nolo Press, 2008), told me. “If you’re having a conflict with, them it raises enormous quality-of-life issues.”

I was surprised to learn just how extensive a network exists for feuding neighbors. The industry term is mediation, and it involves a neutral third party helping neighbors settle their differences. The goal is to open the lines of communication, rather than say who’s right or wrong.

Mediators, many of whom are local volunteers, can be brought in at any stage of a dispute. “We like to say is ‘It’s never to early, it’s never to late, don’t fight with your neighbor, mediate’,” explains Lorig Charkoudian, executive director of Community Mediation Maryland, a nonprofit group that provides training to mediation centers. Today there are 400 community-based mediation centers nationwide; services are either free or on a sliding scale. Homeowners can also hire a private mediator, often an attorney who will charge higher fees but may be more familiar with the intricacies of the law than a community mediator.

I wish I had known about mediation all those years ago, when the R&B reverberated through my floorboards each night. Who knows, maybe my neighbor and I would even have hit it off. At the very least, the mere thought of R. Kelly might not keep me up at night.—Daniel DiClerico

Essential information: Read about another New York City neighbor dispute that was settled by an unexpected source of mediation, and see how trees are often the root causes of neighbor disputes.

Comments

[Diane Levin]

As a mediator, I'd like to thank Consumer Reports for letting people know that there's a low-cost, sensible alternative to litigation for neighbors having a hard time getting along.

I'd like though to correct a misapprehension about private mediators. You say that homeowners can hire a private mediator who is "often an attorney who will charge higher fees but may be more familiar with the intricacies of the law than a community mediator."

First, it is not the case that a private mediator will often be an attorney. Mediators typically come from a wide range of professional backgrounds. The law may be one of them, but many private mediators are not lawyers. You don't have to be an attorney to be an effective mediator. What kind of training has the mediator undergone? What kind of mediation experience do they possess? Those are the relevant questions.

Second, whether the mediator is "more familiar with the intricacies of the law" is irrelevant, since mediators do not provide advice to parties, legal or otherwise. Mediators do not act as judges or counselors. Instead, mediators are there to facilitate discussion, aid parties in sharing information and coming up with ideas for resolution, and help keep the discussion productive. A mediator brings process expertise, understands the dynamics of conflict, and can support people as they communicate with each other and negotiate a mutually satisfactory outcome. If you need legal advice, hire a lawyer, but don't expect a mediator to provide it to you.

Thanks again for raising awareness of mediation as an option. It's much appreciated.